Today was a total zero.

There are times when I am so sad I can barely walk.  I hate being that weak. Ita not sadness over the demise of my marriage,  but over the total waste of exactly half my life. I missed out on so much because I let a drunken addict run my life. Now I cant seem to want to go any further with being free. I dont remember how. I am constantly waiting for the anvil to drop on my head. I am too sensitive to ANY criticism.  I know when my boss calls me and asks me about something I did or didn't do at work its not because she doesnt like me, im sure its not meant to be mean, but I struggle to not get into a panic about it.
For so many years everything I have done has been picked apart and told I am doing everything wrong , that it's almost impossible to not react that way. I cant even mop in front of people because I was told so many times I was doing it wrong. How do you mop so poorly that you are told you are useless? 
But for 24 years I have been solely responsible for an entire family. With no thanks. Just criticized at every turn.
Does this make me a victim of  mestic violence?  Am I making more out things than I should?  How mad do I get? I dont know how to feel right now. I have a house and a half to deal with. He is no help at all. His logic is this house is my responsibility since he doesn't live here anymore. Well....yeah.  Hes the one who walked out leaving me with the rug pulled out from under me. He says I am wrong. There is no rug. Whatever.
So once again I will pick up the pieces for me and the kids.  Pay the bills. And some how make it all work out. Because I jave to. Because its what I do.